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Pele, Mother Teresa, Dr. Ambedkar and Buddha
All in One!


PAN or PAAN ?


Smoking Behind
(Captured from Tech Park top)


Name says it all
(seen on Airport Road)

PS - Photo Credits Mandar, Pranav (me!)

A Day as an Invigilator

After reading Shashank's blog I got very much inspired for going to a DLPD exam as an invigilator. So I called my PS faculty and she later confirmed my invigilator-ship for this weekend. Equipped with the map to reach the center 'Baldwin Boys' Highschool' I eagerly waited for the E-day.

- Meanwhile a gchat intercepted by confidential sources -
“Abey, tera center kaunsa hai?”
“Kuch Baldwin Boys' School karke..”
“Ohh, mera bhi wahi hai. Will there be all boys for the exam :(”
“Xxii$ Saala!”

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fast forward to Saturday



Exam is on 0900. To be safe we get there at 0815. We meet some veteran invigilators. They guided us for the process. See how....

NewBie1 [who is looking irritated for having woken up at 6 a.m. on the weekend] asks
'Paisa Kitna Milega?'
NewBie2 : '600'
NewBie3 : [in typical North style] 'Kya! Humko to 900 bola tha. Saale BITS wale beech mein paise kha rahe hai bol raha hu mai tereko.'

All of them go to a veteran. He explains to them that since it's a comprehensive exam they might be paid Rs. 900. But he isn't sure.

NewBie1 : Khane ko kya kya dete hai? Kitne Baje?
NewBie2 : Chup Baith. Do they pay by cheque or cash?
Vet : Line mein khada karke dete hai ek-ek ko.

NewBie3, who is a die hard fan of big B is thinking -

He aka Amitabh Bachhan is dressed like a mazdoor and is standing in a long queue. The queue is made up of all the exhausted invigilators who worked for 12 hours. After some time his turn comes. In front of him, behind a table, there is sitting a thekedar or contractor. Thekedar smiles “khi: khi: khi: khi: Yahan pe angootha lagao beta.” and points at the register. Amitabh squints and suddenly grabs the hold of the pen in Thekedar's jacket. Signs the register in style and collects the money.
“Yahan pe to 900 likha hai aur paise to sirf 600 hai.”
Thekedar[again laughs disgustingly] :“Jitna mila hai Bhagwaan ki den samzo.”

Amitabh throws the money on his face and kicks the table. Thekedar falls down while still fixed in the chair. All the fellow invigilators cheer for Amitabh....

“Hello Mister, aapka naam kya hai?”

“Vijay.”

“Your name is not there in the list.”

“Kya?”

Our NewBie realizes that the DLPD coordinator is talking to him.

“Sorry sir. Sorry sir. My name is ..” And then he signs the attendance sheet.

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DLPDians collecting money after the exam

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Orientation programme

The DLPD coordinator explains the rules to all of us.
“Do not read novels or newspapers. Do not play mobile games. Do not listen to your i-pods. Blah blah blah ”

The classrooms are randomly allotted to us. We are given a sizable stack of sheets- containing answer books and question papers. I am thinking – 'Voila! My dream of childhood has come true. For the first time in my life I have the very question papers in my hand well before the exam. But alas! I am not writing the exam. . .'

My classroom was in the other building. With enthu and all I run , carefully holding the slew of papers. After climbing 3 floors down and 3 up I am puffing heavily.

When I stand in front my class – 3 A – I am in for a surprise. There is no one in the class! “Where are they?”, I exclaim. Did I miss the class? Am I in the wrong building? I noticed that all the other classrooms were getting filled. But why is my class so deserted? I call the corridor boy [who stand there for any help just-in-case].

I point finger at the room and say “Nobody is there!”. He goes in and comes out after checking the class as if I am faking. He then consoles me “They will come. You wait.” Just then the first bell rings – signifying the answer sheet distribution. He hurriedly disappears.

I am standing helpless in the class. Still holding the heap. After two minutes a woman comes in running in the class. I think 'Yo yo! Somebody has come.' But still to make sure I ask her “Are you writing embedded systems - ” She sharply cuts me down.
She: Give me 8 question papers.
I (to myself): ??? Who is she? Why does she want 8 question papers? And what about the answer sheets? Is there something wrong in here? Is she going to sell these papers outside? For what price? What will be my cut?
I get embarrassed even for feeling that way. I clutch the papers to my chest, deciding not to give her any of them.

Now she is talking on the phone. “Yes, yes, I am in room 3 A. There is nobody here. I am bringing the papers.”
She (to me): Quick! Hand them over.
I gather some courage and utter “What for?”
She: Some papers are not printed correctly. So we need extra.
Then suddenly I remember that she was there while the invigilator orientation was going on. 'Oh, so she is a faculty.'
Like a good boy I take out eight papers from the brown envelope and give them to her.

I : Madam, Nobody came in this class.
She: You wait here till 9.30. Then come to the staff room.

I stand in the door of the class. 'Will they pay me or not if nobody comes here?'. That thought stirs me. My eyes search fiercely in the vicinity for the students. I am feeling like [some] BITS professors whose lectures are avoided like plague by the students. A typical situation - BITS Prof who is standing at the door of the empty class shouts at a boy “Hey, you! You are in my course right?” The boy ducks down and runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction. Prof Sighs “Why no one comes to my class?” I echo the same.

A girl comes asking for something. My eyes lit up expectantly.

Girl: Where is the classroom for Computer Networks?
I(to myself): Why baby, don't you want to write embedded systems paper?
I(to her): Ask that corridor boy there. He will tell you.

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A long wait follows

I go and sit in the teacher's chair and keep the heavy stack on the desk. Oh boy! I am actually sitting in the teacher's chair! (this was my second childhood dream:)
In slow motion, I move my eyes all over the class. I notice the posters made by the kids. All of them seem have a common theme – 'Moon and stars'. There are some notices also on a wall. There is a timetable hanging. What's this..After the second period there is a 'TEA – BREAK'. What kind of a school is this? Shamelessly promoting stimulants.


Next I open the table's drawer. There are some dusty notebooks, one school diary and a piece of printed paper. I lift it. It is a paper of 'Environmental Study'. I read it to myself.

Fill in the blanks:

1.Always ____ the truth.
2.Respect your ______.

I look around and discover the answer on the wall. There is written:

One of the God's Gifts
YOUR TEACHER

And besides it on a paper it's written

Remember
Always respect your teachers. Be nice to them.

Then I came to the subjective questions. Some of them were -

'Who or what is a couch potato?'

'Why do we wear clothes?'

I read the last line again. What kind of a question is this? I am brainstorming for all the possible answers for it. Just then a mobile rings loudly. Almost as a reflex action, I get up saying “Sorry, sir.” But then I realize. 'What the heck! I am the invigilator, not some brat student. Plus there is nobody in the class.'

I look at my watch. It's 1000 already!

I run towards the staff room on another floor. Inside the room an 'iconic' BITS faculty [B.F.] is sitting.

BF : Who are you?
I : Sir, I am actually a student. But I have come here for - -
BF : Do you know what time is it? Now you cannot write the exam. What's your ID number?
I(blurting out) : I am an invigilator, sir.
BF : Then what are you doing here? Who is invigilating in your class?
I : There are no students in my class, sir. Nobody came.
BF throws his hands in the air saying : How is that possible? Are you sure?
I : Yes, sir. I am 100% sure.
BF : Let me check the sitting arrangement. What did you say your classroom is?
I : 3 A, sir.

BF scrutinizes the paper in his hand and says. 'It seems 7 rooms are allotted for embedded system design. Number of students must have been overestimated. And there is no seat number system so anybody can seat anywhere.'

I am still thinking 'But why my room?'

I : What should I do now sir?
BF thinks for a while and says : Mereko nahi pata. I am here for the first time. Perhaps you can help any other invigilator who wants to have break for some time.
I say 'Aye Aye, sir!' and get on the twos.
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Afternoon session

Before reaching the class I prayed 'Please send some students to my class'.
And when I reached the class I was again in for a second surprise. My class was houseful! Overjoyed, I went in and started counting the students.

[To be continued....perhaps]